Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
