ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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