im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
