On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
