Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Apparently you make a good broom.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
