wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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