I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
