i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
