I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
