I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
