Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
