i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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