just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
