My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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