Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize