whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
