I am in a vortex of obligation.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
