Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
