What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
