There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize