no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
