I just found a bag of teeth...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
