I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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