i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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