you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
