Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
