btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
