I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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