I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
