I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
