So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
