Whod you bang
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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