Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
