a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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