you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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