she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This is my gift to your gina
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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