Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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