I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
