This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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