We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
