no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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