That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize