I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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