i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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