Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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