I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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