This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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