Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
