You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
