Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
