I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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