he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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