Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
