I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
