I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
