how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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