those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Randomize
