He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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