btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
