Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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