this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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