i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
