did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
