the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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