that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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