gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
