Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
